the life of me

Not that anyone but claire will get this at all lol. THIS IS ONE OF MY RANTS.
i havent slept for more than an hour straight since sunday night im sick and have to the bathroom like every 10 mins, which when your in a wheelchair it is fucking insanely anoying and fucking hard. unless i can get to sleep which is ussually for only half an hour so im cranky weak and sick and i cant go to tasmania if i am sick cause you know five hours of flights is going to go down really fucking well if i need to go to the bathroom every five mins. so im FUCKED OFF AT EVERYTHING AND EVERYONE ATM.

i just needed to say this to ppl

does anyone wanna catch up for lunch somewhere this week like thursday friday???would be good to catch up with ppl when atleast one of them isnt shitfaced and running off to buy a wetsuit JAMES hahahahahhahahahha.

we should go to the store or something

I just love moments these moments when you realise that youve actually been officially outcast from a group of friends. while i really should have come to this conclusion last year when i wasnt invited to anything and didnt get a call from anyone for an entire year, and then this year i would have thought JUST the fact that we've know eachother for what 14 years would have had some effect on you guys wanting or even you know making an effort to come see me or take me out or invite to something, but obviously i dont really matter much to any of you so thats fine.
and what adds insult to injury was that ive been visited and had more interest shown in me from ppl who i never liked or liked me at school and from people that IV NEVER MET IN RUSSIA than you guys.


BUT
out of all of this i have to send out one big thank you and massive hugs to Lilly, thank you for visiting me and making the effort.


loki

ok so im now out of hospital after four and a half months since my fall, and i hate it. i always hated being at my parents house but now im kinda stuck here. i hate just having to sit in this fucking chair all day long and not being able to do my normal routine.

i still pine for training and performing aerials and contortion. i sometimes think what would happen if i tried to do a handstand. and then see a picture of me flat on the ground crying from hurting myself like the cripple that i am.
its really weird im going through having to tell a whole heep of people that im in a chair and that i broke my neck who didnt know because i havent spoken to them since last year, and its bringing back the fall and all the fucking crappy emotions that come along with breaking your neck.

and ontop of all that ive decided to write my friends and my ex from cirque, like properly write a handwritten letter and its so hard, what do i say to a guy who doesnt know what happened and is in las vegas performing aerial hoop with O.
i dont want to freak jonny out, but i really want him to know. i havent talked to him since he left the quidam tour in perth last year and that wasnt exactly the best of partings to say the least.

and ontop of everything that is happening at home ive tried to get my friends to come over to my house on friday night cause my parentals are going to melbourne but i cant get onto anyone and it looks like im just going to be home alone and thats what i feel at the moment utterly alone, its wierd and depressing.

yours for now

lachie the cripple

ok i miss performing and contortion and aerials soooooooooo much i had a two hour conversation with my old duo partner in melbourne last night and it just reminded me of all the things that ill never be able to do again now that i you know broke my neck. and i miss asa and sveta and gen from quidam like nothing else in the world right now.

ive still got my three tissus and aerial hoop sitting at home doing nothing i cant bring myself to actually sell them.

will i ever get back to doing main stream circus acts??? I HAVE NO IDEA and its tearing me appart.

lachie

im now walking with a granny frame quite proficiently and have also started to use elbow crutches which i am soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo happy about.

IM GOING TO WALK AGAIN

this is really really really frustrating, i keep getting job offers for the next cirque tour here in australia(varekai) and i realy realy want to do it but i dont know what state of recovery ill be in and what ill be able to do as a job.

and im not sure after how much shit happened on my last tour that it would be a good idea to do another tour with them. if you dont know what happened hers the short story.....
( Read more... )
so there that is. and im not sure i could cope with it emotionally if im in a wheelchair.

tell me your thoughts, TELL ME!!!!!

loki

i fully walked today, two laps of the parrallel bars wearing a forrest gump style calliper(that huge metal thing that fits over ones leg) just thought all you might want to know this type of shite

ok i walked today, well thats an over exageration i shuffeled walking with my left leg and shuffelling with my right hip to walk across the pool i was soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo tired afterwards but im also standing up in the parrallel bars in physio which is way wierd and shit.

just thought youd all like to know that i still have the hope that i might be able to walk somehow again.

lachie

ok last weekend was quite possibly the hardest days of my life, i saw so many people and some that didnt know that i had broken my neck which made me explain why i was in the wheelchair one or five too many times. and then seeing chaynes(space cowboys) show as well as seeing la clique the night before with julia giving me flowers by three quarters through chaynes show i had to get out everything had just built up to a screaming fury in my head and i had to get out of the tent to get some air and be alone out the back of site but then my parents were standing outside the tent waiting for the show to be over so i couldnt go anywhere, and i had to pass my crying off as neck pain go lachie the deceiver. i dont think i can go back on site to see everyone again i think its going to bring up way to many memories that im not ready for, or that i dont want dug up to relive at this stage of my "rehab". Flee is really understanding as is everyone who ive talked to about it, but i dont want everyone to understand why cant people not understand cause i know that not all of them can understand it.

another thing that realy made me upset but not in a bad way just a me being sad way, was seeing annie and her little bub; she broke her neck aswel a while ago and she is so nice and just seeing her and a couple of other people like tigerlil and ali just tipped me over the edge.

now ive vented THANK YOU ALL

i just completely fucked my big toe that i broke this time last year, running up the stairs why does this always happen to me and its bleeding and all gross and shit. and it hurts like all hell

ok so i did a play last year called paris the musical about the trojan wars and me and the costume designer cassandra wrote this short skit type play to do for the chorus so they knew the story line we didnt end up performing the skit play but its fuck off funny.

so here it is
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some picks from when i was in melbourne last my computer is fucking up so more will come later on.

this is julia my soul mate and sister shes a fuck of contortionist and hula hooper.

( Read more... )

hope you like them

i just got a tatoo of a guy doing contortion ill take a picture soonish when i can take the bandage off for everyone. its sooooooooooo soooooooooooo soooooooooooo cool
and ive gotta go now heading to the opening night of the NICA first and second yr show mumma got free tickets but shes in tasmania so lil and i are going tonight.

lachie

ok this is such old footage from when i first started learning aerial hoop such bad technique and i just figured out how to show everyone the footage yay, theres a bit of contortiony stuff in it

http://s12.yousendit.com/d.aspx?id=01PLJR3PGVWXS3GIDWF64A2O9D

Oh "DAMN it" i didnt get into NICA, oh what am i going to do with my life (mother inserts a teaching degree pamflet in my hand). hahahahahahahaha
ive never been so relieved in my life if i got in mum wouldve actually made me go, i would have died in there without lilikoi at my side.

anywhos got an email from cirque ppl today they want to see my CV and promo videos YAY.

all wells when you get rejected by crappy circus school, and get asked by biggest and most paying circus in the world to send promotional stuff to them things just really are great right now lol.
ooooooooooh and im off to melbourne again in a couple of weeks to sought out acts for adelaide fringe yay, and i also have to send promo stuff of to circus royale by the end of the week.

so cyas all later

lachie

You're Cyprus!

Your parents probably had different ethnic backgrounds and now they're
almost certainly divorced, or at least they argue all the time.  You mostly just wish
they'd leave you alone instead of using you as a pawn in their tortured conflict with each
other.  Instead, you've become the battleground for a fight that doesn't really feel
like it's yours.  You'd rather just go fishing.  But that doesn't look likely in
the immediate future.  Just keep cooking with olive oil and you'll live longer, at
least.


Take the Country Quiz
at the Blue Pyramid

stole it from emma it is sooooooo true

cirque is having acrobatic auditions in melbourne at the end of the month. should i send in my demo material and hope for an audition or not bother????

tell me peoples tell me